"I can't imagine never drinking again!" When I heard myself say that, I knew immediately that I hadn't really meant it. I wasn't thinking ahead like some may assume, I was just mad at my disease for a minute and, without the skill to express myself, said so outloud in a round about way, mimicing what I thought

My sponsor didn't ignore me though. She asked me a question like she always did when I shared a concern. "W

here'd you here that from?" "Who said that?," she demanded from me as though the name I gave her would make her lose a friend. However, my careless words were producing a psychotic rip in my soul. I was quickly reaching the conclusion that I needed to operate my life, "one day at a

time, " which meant I had to let go of my past, of who I thought I was. If I had to do that, then I would have to be.....me.

Being in the moment. What a scary thought. It can bring peace and allow for my emotions to be in the here and now - free. They are no longer competing with old anxieties or new fears. It took lots and lots of practice to stop living in the past and planning out the future. After years of being among my 12-step friends, I understand that people aren't so bad which it turn allows me to understand that I'm not so bad.